Dealing with Perfectionism

Hello Readers,

This is my first article for the blog. Since this was the topic I was visiting in my mind the most, I considered debuting with it, Perfectionism. Wish me luck 😉

Because of the internet, people nowadays have a good awareness of this trait. I have sometimes seen seniors honestly admit that they struggle with perfectionism and are trying to overcome it. Thanks to the Worldwide Web!

The best way to explain perfectionism is through my own example J

I thought of spending 30 minutes researching this title and 30 minutes writing. Certainly, the first 30 were an underestimation and the latter 30 extended to 3^rd writing attempt 😆.

I felt dissatisfied with my first 2 attempts – sometimes the content was a lot, the other time I was dissatisfied with the details, and on and on…I hope this one makes it. Bless me, readers!

 

Perfectionism is a trait, where a person sets a high standard of expectation from himself and at often times from others as well. High standards are driving, nonetheless, the frustration resulting from the inability to meet them is also driving (crazy). A perfectionist may not often be able to enjoy his moments of satisfaction because he (or she) is absorbed towards the goal (a great ability), and is counting the distance remaining (and not the distance covered) from his current situation. Consider the balance of a rationalist who takes pleasure in meeting achievable milestones and remains satisfied.

A perfectionist may either criticize himself for being unable to meet “his own” expectations or often criticize others for their imperfections. Place a naïve or a simple steady person under him, and they won’t ever need a sweater in the winter. Owing to the critical nature, chances are that a perfectionist would experience low self-esteem in the future. Often, people coordinating with a perfectionist may fear or maintain distance from him for his reactions resulting from dissatisfaction with unmet goals.

Few of the attributes that a person carrying perfectionism trait could be:

1. Procrastination: This is because they identify only with the extremes of life i.e. white or black, there’s hardly any grey in their dictionary. Their extreme goals often leave them failing or criticized by others. This results in the fear of encountering failure of missing the goal and concomitantly fearing judgements from others. However, this is owing to judgement of oneself that a mind with low self-esteem often projects on others.

2. Dissatisfaction: They often feel dissatisfied with simplicity and the ordinary. Their satisfaction is met when the results are extraordinary and flawless, matching their checklist. The criteria could be punctuality, self-image, flawlessness, etc. But we know, no one is flawless and that everyone is unique and best as they are. Failing to accept that, one could be beating oneself.

3. Exertion: Perfectionists exert a lot of energy to fulfil their extraordinary demands. Often they go beyond their limits in terms of sleep times, diet, speech, etc. With an unbalanced lifestyle, there could be a lot of harm to one’s personal needs and to others as well. Others may sometimes feel threatened, suppressed, or controlled by such personality types.

4. Thrill: Perfectionists thrive for thrills. They, therefore, set challenges for themselves in terms of time, adventure, sports, etc. that give a pump to their adrenalin, since life is at best when there’s a “rush”.

And this can go on and on. Different people may have these traits to some or a greater extent. What is important is the workaround for a balanced lifestyle. Below are a few ways:

1. Self-Compassion: There is nothing more important than self-love. Recognizing that the soul deserves love and satisfaction within oneself and the community, a perfectionist should comfort the body, relax the mind, socialize with the close ones, and reserve time for self-help books. The turning point would be to recognize one’s limitations, strengths, and weaknesses, and set goals accordingly. After all, life is not just about productivity, it's about contentment.

2. It’s OK to be OK: You heard that right, although you would’ve heard the opposite. But from a perfectionist’s frame, he considers only something ideal to be a success. It has got to pump his adrenaline buddy, isn’t it? So on not meeting those standards, they should forgive themselves by saying this to themselves and celebrate this acceptance!

3. Balance: If there are extremes in one's lifestyle, routine regulations in sleep, diet, etc. should be helpful.

4. Mindfulness: Practicing meditation and mindfulness would be a great deal of help to free the mind from those unrealistic expectations and enjoy life in the present, within oneself. Attempting to “connect” with like-minded people and near ones would be helpful too.

5. Breaking rules: It is very helpful for perfectionists to break their own rules. While perfectionists define life from rules, it should be vice-versa. At times, spending days with apparently no goals to achieve, no targets to beat, and no one to win, is the greatest achievement. One could just read self-help books (with no goal to finish them 😜), do meditation, and spend time with oneself and near ones. And gradually do that more often.

The conclusion is not that perfectionists are evil people, for they are also attributed with great qualities of being organized, punctual, systematic, analytical, focused, sensitive, etc. Perfectionism is a great attribute when balanced with rationality and flexibility.

Please feel free to add your insights and leave feedback in the comments below. Thank you 😁